How Narrative Therapy Helped Me To Reframe The Story Of My Life And Understand My Depression1/31/2020 “Is it a book?” “It looks like a W.” “Are those robot boobs?” These are the types of questions I get all the time about this tiny tattoo on my forearm. In the past, when I would get questions about this tattoo I would get a little cagey. Tattoos tend to be personal, but this one, in particular, is also kind of embarrassing. I mean, I got a “half-pipe” – not the skateboard kind, like a literal pipe split down the middle and laying open – permanently inked on myself because of therapy. But I’m jumping ahead of myself. Today’s post isn’t about design, and there’s not a throw pillow insight. Instead, you’re stuck with me, Brian Henderson. And yea, today’s post is all about therapy. Or my experience with it at least. There are a lot of disclaimers I get to about this a little further down, but if mental health or therapy isn’t something you’re ready to read about this morning I promise the design content will resume next week. On the other hand, if you or someone you know has ever been curious about therapy (especially if that someone is a guy), then keep reading. Back to my foreman… I got this open pipe tattoo as a reminder for myself. In hindsight, I wasn’t prepared to explain its personal meaning to the entire world when I first had it needle poked into my skin, which was an oversight on my part. It’s pretty abstract, so of course, it’s going to draw some questions. But the more I had to explain why I got it and what it meant to me, the more I noticed that people related to my story. The follow-up questions became less about me and more about the question-asker themselves. And it all made me understand was that depression is much more universal than I had ever thought. Now, when I describe my tattoo, I’ve now got a pretty succinct explanation that doesn’t come off as pretentious or preachy (I’ll explain in a bit). More often than not, a question about my tattoo gets people talking about how they relate to it. Which is what I hope this post can do too. First off, I’m aware that therapy or the general topic of mental health can be a triggering subject for a lot of people. I want to start by saying that this is not meant to be a prescription or cure-all suggestion. Nor is it meant to speak down to anyone or come off as “holier than thou.” It’s only an account of my personal experience with therapy in the hopes that it may spark some conversations out there for someone who needs it. Second, I’m writing this purely from my perspective as a hetero, white male; and I’m sorry if that doesn’t feel as inclusive as it should, but it would be crazy for me to try and write about therapy from anyone but myself, from my perspective. And if I’m being honest, I think there’s a lack of dialogue about why straight white men don’t go to therapy, when we seem to be the group that is doing a majority of the damage out in the world. We aren’t addressing our emotions. Controversial, right? Fun? Hopefully. I’m wading into waters that I’m not an expert in, so take this all with a boulder of salt… In my experience, not a lot of guys go to therapy. Even though a lot of us probably should. Why? Well, it’s been written about, talked about, studied… and it seems cliche at this point but I think it has a lot to do with the way we’re raised as boys. The same life lessons that can be wonderful about self-sufficiency and toughness (which I honestly do think are important in raising both boys and girls) are the same lessons that kind of crush us later in life. We’re trained from an early age that we should fix our own problems, be an island, and that showing emotion or asking for help is a weakness. Talking to your buddies shouldn’t go any deeper than conversation topics like whether Captain America would be a better quarterback or pitcher (for the record, I say quarterback). So we compartmentalize our feelings and keep them as something only to be dealt with alone, in a vacuum. We are the only ones that have the expertise to deal with our own feelings and emotions. The idea of talking to someone else, let alone a stranger about our feelings? Are you kidding? For guys like me, that seemed utterly insane. But I ended up in therapy, with a stupid tattoo on my arm. And it changed my life. Now you may not know this, but I’m not actually living the life I should be right now. I should be the lead actor on a wildly successful sitcom, making millions of dollars, living a life of fame and fortune. At this moment, I should be making a witty zinger at a dinner party about how I can’t find space for all my acting awards, and how I’m thinking of melting them all down to make a giant statue of myself holding an award. That’s what I’m supposed to be doing right now. Or at least, that’s what I had been expecting for myself since I was 18 years old. I, like so many people out there, have been fantasizing about my ideal life since I was young. But, like 99% of the world, I did not come close to achieving that “ideal” life. When I realized that my “ideal” life wasn’t my exact trajectory, I did not have the tools to deal with the heartbreak. And all of that brought me very close to ruining my whole life. Here’s how it went down… Emily and I moved to New York right after college, and I went to grad school for acting at NYU. It was an insane experience – not only was it super exclusive (only 18 people are accepted a year), but it was super intense (all acting, all day, every day, for three years). I was already a pretty cocky guy, but getting into this program blew up both my ego and my expectations for myself. Oh, and it’s where I swung naked on a trapeze in circus class. You know, for art. At the end of my training, I was ready to conquer the world of acting, just like all the famous alumni before me. In fact, I was going to be bigger than them! I mean, do you think that Billy Crudup ever flopped his little billy around on a trapeze?! WELL, I DID. I was gonna land the best agent, get on Broadway, get my own TV show, and take over the world. None of those things happened. Except for the Broadway thing, in a roundabout way. After doing a bunch of theater in New York, I got an understudy job on a Broadway show. And it just so happened that it was for one mister Johnny Galecki (Name Drop!), who had to take time off to go shoot the pilot for a new show called “The Big Bang Theory.” I got to go on for him and perform on a Broadway stage for a while, which was a dream come true. I still think about those magical nights. Getting to perform for 1,100 people who were wishing you were Johnny Galecki. There’s nothing like it. But back to my “failures” – One night I was confidently speeding past tourists in Times Square, to my IMPORTANT ACTING JOB, with my black wool peacoat’s collar pompously popped up (because even though the snow had started to melt into slush, it was still cold enough to look like a brooding artist). I impatiently rounded a large group in a crosswalk, threw a “Locals Only” smirk back at them, then tripped and fell into a huge puddle of brown slush that had gathered at the foot of the opposite sidewalk. My arms were up to the elbow in wet gutter-sludge and whatever had floated downstream from the Bubba Gump in Times Square. The whole group of tourists gasped. I popped up as quickly as I could, tried to make a funny quip, couldn’t, then probably made a sound like “Pshhh…” and ran off as fast as I could. And that is a precursor to what I felt when I got hit by that heartbreak I spoke of earlier. I went from king of the world in my head, to prince of the potty in real life. And before the comments start, yes I know that my life isn’t, and wasn’t a potty. I’m a super lucky guy. And yes, I know that a privileged actor’s journey isn’t super relatable. BUT, I think that the feeling of “expectation vs reality” is, and that’s the broader issue that brought me to therapy. And that’s what I think needs to be talked about because “expectation vs reality” is driving a lot of men like me (and women) into depression and isolation, without the tools to talk about it or ask for help. Ok, that’s too bleak, back to the story. Emily and I moved to LA right after we got married (that’s us the night I proposed, complete with Central Park carriage ride and NYC hotdog stand). I kinda forced the move, because it seemed like it was the only place to make actual money as an actor and it seemed silly not to at least roll the dice out here. It turned out that I had the wrong dice. Or maybe they don’t do dice in LA? I still don’t know, all I know is that being a theater actor in Hollywood is about as meaningful as being a race car driver at a chili cook-off. I couldn’t get a job out here to save my life, and I got crushed by years of auditioning and rejection. When those inflated expectations got popped, I began a journey to a very dark place. I mean, what a stupid career choice it is to be an actor. You voluntarily go on hundreds of job interviews to try to sell a product that is literally yourself, and get told “no” 99.9% of the time. And it’s not like other art forms, like painting or writing, that you can perform alone, you can’t act by yourself in your room. I mean you can, like when I do my one-man “Yoda in a Russian Bath” routine to make myself laugh while I’m getting dressed but to be an actor you need to get cast in something. You’re at the mercy of other people, always, and it suuuuuuucks. It also sucked the life out of me. It had been 7 years of “no’s” and I didn’t have another career or side job (because I was still gonna make it dammit!). Emily had won Design Star, shot two seasons of Secret From A Stylist, and her blog was blowing up. My confidence and success had taken the exact opposite trajectory of hers and I was in such a dark place and felt so stuck, that I started taking it out on her. I turned into a dick. I resented her success and would constantly diminish it, or deliberately neglect to acknowledge it, which would cause fights without resolutions. It got bad. We both knew I was deeply unhappy but didn’t know how to change it. She put up with mood swings and feeling shut out, as I got deeper and deeper into a depression. It built up to one dark night when Emily basically told me that I’d changed so much from the happy man she married that I either had to make a change or we needed to rethink our future. That shook me. I was about to lose my wife, the best thing in my life, unless I did something to change. I didn’t know how to change, but I knew what was wrecking me. So, I quit acting. I just stopped auditioning and took myself out of the whole thing cold turkey. That worked for a bit. I started doing real estate, which distracted me but I was still walking around in a fog of depression, which now was compounded by the thought that I would never get to do the thing I loved again. Then Emily got her first Target job, which brought a whole new flood of resentment. It wasn’t fair but it was still there, if only more hidden from her. And then she got pregnant. Which should have brightened everything, but in a weird way it made me even more depressed, for super selfish reasons. Don’t get me wrong, I was thrilled that we were pregnant. I had wanted to be a dad for as long as I could remember. But the idea of starting that phase of my life without feeling “happy” or “fulfilled” made me crash again. I regressed to being difficult and had a cloud over me that was soon hanging over our whole house. Once again my wife (thank god for my wife), confronted me and said she didn’t want our baby to have this negative energy around it, and she said I needed to go see a therapist – which I had been putting off for years. I knew she was right, but I was so stubborn about my feelings and still had the sense that I knew how to fix myself. I had pushed the idea of therapy away anytime it came up. But now we were having a kid and I couldn’t bullshit my way through it anymore, no matter how much I tried. My preconception about therapy was straight out of a bad movie, which is part of the reason I resisted it for so long. I also felt like I didn’t need to do a deep dive into childhood trauma or parental issues. Not to discount that type of therapy, I know that is unbelievably helpful for many, many people. It’s just not what I needed. Mine was a depression born out of not knowing how to move forward in a life that wasn’t what I had planned it to be. I needed tools to bring myself back to the happy person I used to be. And I’m very lucky that the referral I got from a friend was for a therapist who specializes in just that. Lucy Cotter is a narrative therapist. I know that narrative therapy sounds like I was laying in a sleeping bag while she read children’s books to me, which isn’t too far fetched out here in Goop-y Hollywood. But no, narrative therapy is a proactive kind of therapy that teaches you that the way you see yourself in the world is just a “story” you’ve been telling yourself about yourself. For your whole life! And that as the “narrator” of your own life, you in fact have the freedom to change that story. I’m no expert, and it’s kinda hard to explain, but this is my take away from it – I think it’s all about giving people the tools to actually change their responses to difficulties so they can move past them rather than get stuck or derailed by them. And they do it by separating your difficulties from you if that makes sense. Like, the problem is only a thing that exists in the world, it’s not a part of you, and you’re telling yourself a story about that thing that makes you want to avoid it or fight it. In fact, there are many ways to approach that thing in a way that incorporates your own positive feelings. You just need to try to change the story of it. That’s not convoluted at all, right? Let’s see. Ok, so, an example would be: When I started seeing Lucy I was just beginning to shoot Emily’s videos, but I didn’t want to make videography my full-time job because I didn’t “love” it, and I felt emasculated by the idea of working for my wife. Let’s just pause here and acknowledge that I’m aware of what a gigantic privileged baby I was/am. I’m so fortunate to even have the options open to me that I do. But if I’m writing honestly, I didn’t want to do it because it represented a kind of “giving up” of my autonomy. So Lucy started to get me to understand that my feelings about being Emily’s videographer fit a long-ingrained narrative that I had been telling myself about any kind of work that wasn’t acting. She made me see that there were tons of different ways I could view it, if I just allowed myself to let go of the old narrative. She asked me what I loved about acting, specific things that I missed about being onstage. I answered that it made me feel artistic, free, that I felt ownership. Then she asked if there was a way for me to find those feelings by starting a video company. At first, I was like “Um, no.” But then we got into the actual daily tasks of making a video – framing up shots, directing Emily, running a set, editing it with music – and I realized that all of those feelings could be found in that. And that’s when it really clicked for me. I had been telling myself that working for Emily, doing something that wasn’t acting, would never be enough for me, for so long, that I didn’t realize I just needed to open up my aperture, as it were, and see it all from a wider lens. From that moment on, whenever I started feeling down about something I would pause and try to a way to reframe the story of it. We would even create weekly checklists for me to work on, which was such an amazing surprise. I learned that I needed accountability and practicality. It was like she was half life-coach, and half therapist. I had actual, tangible things to work on at home. Which for a guy, I think is super helpful. Things that were as straight forward as “register the domain for your website,” to the theoretical “pause and consider your first response to an annoying situation.” The more we worked, the easier it became for me to engage in the world with a more open point of view, and have the ability to shift my feelings about things. It hit me on a deep, macro level, which was what got me out of my depression. Once I was able to tackle the stories of my individual problems, I saw that I could start to rethink the overall story of my life. Of what I think it means to be Brian in general. I started figuring out that my whole sense of “I’m the kind of person that…” was just a story that could be expanded. I describe it like tunnel vision (here comes my “half-pipe” tattoo explanation, in case that’s the only reason you were sticking around). I was looking at everything in life through a tube or a pipe, with only one little point of light to see through. I felt stuck in my depression because I didn’t realize that it was totally my choice to see through this little hole. But through narrative therapy, I was able to cut the pipe down the center, spread it out and realize that there was a whole horizon on either side of that little circular view. That there is a vast landscape of options to choose from. Sorry for all the metaphors, it’s cheesy I know, but it’s was a life-saving lesson for me. And that is why I got my tattoo. Because it’s easy for me to slip back into old reactions to things, and sometimes I need a little reminder. It literally just happened two weeks ago. Our oldest kid had an extra week off for winter break (wtf LAUSD? Jan 13th?), but Emily and I both had to get back to work. Well, Emily had to get back to work because she runs an empire, and I was just looking forward to starting a new productive year. But we didn’t have any childcare during the day, so I was forced to watch him and try to work from home. And boy, oh boy did I put up a pouty puss performance. For the first few days, I grumbled little annoyances at breakfast and acted like I was doing hard labor at Rikers. But around the third day, I glanced down at my dumb little tattoo and realized I was acting like a baby. I changed the story. I wasn’t a put-upon victim, I was a lucky parent who got the rare gift of spending a ton of time with their kids while they’re still young. And that little shift of thought changed the rest of the week. I was a better dad and I’m sure a better husband. Besides, I had all year to be more productive, which is another great thing that Lucy taught me. Timelines are what we make them. You can always expand your timeline, and it can take a lot of pressure off of you. If you give yourself a longer timeline for some goals, it can make everything a little less high stress so you can live in the moment a bit more. Remember that acting thing that I was obsessed with? Through my work with Lucy, I allowed myself to expand the timeline and change my story. It took me about two years of working on the other stuff, like the video business and healing my marriage, for me to feel like I was ready to reengage with acting. But this time, I felt secure about it. I had no desire to audition to be on TV or in film. I just wanted to get back to what I loved about acting in the first place, working on stage. And that meant I didn’t have to tie my self-worth to whether or not I booked a job. I had the important things squared away, and this was my way to create art on the side, to scratch an itch. I’m back to auditioning for and performing in stage productions when I can, and Emily and I have found ways for me to make it to rehearsals and performances. And thus far, it’s been really, really great. I still get down sometimes, for sure. Depression isn’t like a bad movie that you just see once and swear off; it keeps getting rebooted!! With different casts, directors, and marketing campaigns. Sometimes I feel myself getting in line for a ticket, but then I look at my little tattoo and realize that I’m actually at a multiplex and I can go to a different movie. I’m lucky to have Emily and Lucy in my life, but it took me getting to such a bad place that I was forced to open up and talk to someone. I don’t think that a lot of men are as actively confronted as I was, or if they are, they sometimes aren’t ready for it. And I totally get that. I was there too. I hated the idea that I couldn’t fix myself. Asking for help seemed like defeat, or a character flaw. Like I wasn’t a real man. And I think that’s all too common among men who absolutely should be talking to someone, but are too hung up on their idea of therapy that they just shrug it off. Both young and old, from the stress of starting manhood to the fear of retirement. Expectation vs reality can be debilitating. But I had a wife who was brave enough to be honest about what she needed and supportive enough to let me know that it was going to be ok. So if you are a dude (or anyone) feeling down, or lonely, or depressed, just know that a lot of people feel that way. You’re not alone, you’re not strange, you’re not a wuss. I know the pressure you put on yourself to “tough it out.” But there are other ways of thinking that will take the weight off your shoulders. And for the record, I think it’s pretty damn cool to talk about your emotions. So, let’s start doing that more. Sorry this post wasn’t as funny as I thought it was going to be. I promise I won’t get this deep if I keep writing for the blog, but I know that this is a problem for a lot of people and I wanted to get my experience out there just in case it could get start a conversation. Even if it’s just about whether Captain America would be a better quarterback or pitcher. The post How Narrative Therapy Helped Me To Reframe The “Story” Of My Life And Understand My Depression appeared first on Emily Henderson. Originally from Emily Henderson https://ift.tt/38SUqqV
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Buying anything for your home can be well, nerve-wracking. I mean will it look good? How long will it hold up for? Will it go out of style just like “someone’s” once beloved zebra print rug from middle school? These are all great questions, but we here at EHD want to instill “buyer’s confidence” and say, “see ya” to any potential feelings of remorse. How EHD? HOW? Now, we’ve designed a lot of rooms in our day and have noticed some consistent trends. Well, actually some anti-trends. What I mean by that is there are pieces that Emily and our design team (and honestly the whole of the design world) keep coming back to. Why? It’s because they are special but simple and modern yet classic. Not a trend at all, really. Just really good design. So we are calling it. Let me introduce The New Classics. Pieces that you can buy with total confidence because these puppies are TIME. LESS. Consider them inducted into the “Style Hall Of Fame.” You have our word. The Round Throw PillowLet’s start simple, eh? No one is saying there is anything wrong with squares and rectangles, but Emily fell fast and hard for the simple round pillow when she was designing Birdie’s first nursery. It added the perfect amount of quiet visual interest that a stylist like her dreams of. And that was only the beginning of this budding love affair. Why Is This A Safe Bet?A circle is one of those shapes that very few people take issue with in home decor (sorry triangles). It feels fun, but sophisticated and is literally the shape of the earth, sun, and moon so it’s not going to lose its popularity anytime soon. And I am telling you that if your bed, sofa, or large chair is in need a little “life” then get a circle-shaped pillow. If you are wanting to guarantee its style longevity and versatility then opt for a solid, more neutral color or simple patterned pillow. Here are some of our favorites on the market now: 1. Round Hand Crochet Pillow | 2. Monte Pom Pom | 3. Anchal Crescent Pillow | 4. Cotton Canvas Round Pillow | 5. Blue Round Pillow | 6. Velvet + Wool Circle Pillow | 7. Monte Cushion | 8. Lush Velvet Pillow | 9. Cowhide | 10. White & Yellow Pillow | 11. Grey & White Monte Cushion | 12. Vegan Faux Leather | 13. Fringe Throw Pillow | 14. Block Color Pillow | 15. Shelly Round Velvet Pillow Emily and the design team have used #1 and #4 and they are great. I know that #9 is a bit crazy but in the right home, I think it could be so awesome. More rooms with this little superstar: Our Master Bedroom – Finally! | Makeover Takeover: Jess’ Living Room | 14 Rules For How We Style The Perfect Bedroom (+ 3 New Reveals) | Target’s New Threshold Collection is Hitting the “Elevated Praiare” Trend Hard and Good | Reveal: A Budget and Rental-Friendly Living- and Dining Room The Live Edge TableI truly don’t think there is one person that has seen Emily’s live edge coffee table (the one above – at the time borrowed by her best friend, Corbett) that hasn’t at some point deeply coveted it. We still get emails asking where she got it or if they can buy it off of her. Anthropologie PLEASE BRING IT BACK. But it is this exact reason that (modern) live edge tables, in general, are here to stay… They are stunning. Why Is This A Safe Bet?Beautiful wood will never go out of style. It just won’t. And when you add just the right amount of an organic shape, it is magical. Plus a live edge table is an easy way to add a little visual movement in your space. The last thing (in our opinion) you want is a room with all hard lines. The trick is to make sure they don’t look “too alive.” Like, a light to minimal sheen in terms of finishing and zero visible sap. Otherwise you’ll end up with the kind of table that is only ever “kind of” appropriate for the most mountain-y, log cabin home or restaurant. We have picked our top nine, perfectly sheened picks for you to feast your eyes on and potentially buy (only if you want to): 1. Buckland Coffee Table | 2. Organic Coffee Table | 3. Chilton Table | 4. Avery Wishbone Dining Table | 5. Buckland Accent Table | 6. Sansur Coffee Table | 7. Allard End Table | 8. Wood Slice Coffee Table | 9. Harbor Coffee Table We have used #1 in a ton of rooms and can vouch for its awesomeness. Aside from that, we are a bit partial to #4 and #8 But you honestly can’t go wrong with any of these picks. More rooms with this stunner: How We Styled Our Living Room To Sell | Mountain House Reveal: How We Designed Our Super Kid-Friendly Family Room | How To Design A Pass-Through Room: The Portland Family Room | A Modern And Organic Dining Room Makeover | A Spanish Living Room | Mountain House Reveal: Our Light-Filled Neutral & Textural Living Room The Modern SpindleOur hearts were truly stolen by the rise of the modern spindle bed. It perfectly bridges the gap between the past and future and shows off the beauty of great craftsmanship (especially when made by actual craftsmen like EHD’s favorite Thos. Moser). Why Is This A Safe Bet?Well, this general style is not new and with this modern makeover, it has legs to run till the end of time. This style of bed looks sophisticated but not stuffy. Plus since it makes such a visual statement you don’t need much else in your bedroom. Just add some simple pieces like a nightstand, dresser, cozy linens, and you are set. 1. Foreside Bed | 2. Yuri Bed | 3. Stella Metal Bed | 4. Lenia | 5. Mid Century Spindle Bed | 6. Dellah Sprindle Platform Bed | 7. Culla Bed | 8. Kalmar Bed Like I said, Thos. Moser is the top of the line so #1 is our all-time favorite, but #3 and #7 are wonderful (and more affordable) options. A few more rooms with this beaut: Mountain House Reveal: The Coziest Upstairs Guest “Bunk” Bedroom | Our Master Bedroom Reveal | Sara Updates Her Childhood Bedroom The Broken Line RugWhen we were discussing this post, Emily threw out the question, “What is the new beni ourain rug?” We took a second and then decided it was the broken stripe rug. We aren’t saying that a beautiful beni ourain rug isn’t still awesome, but the new kid on the block is here. Why Is This A Safe Bet?Simple stripes are classic but can get a little visually bland, no? But a broken stripe pattern still honors the classic look but with a modern twist. This twist makes “the stripe” feel fresh but isn’t SO crazy that you will be asking yourself in a few years, “what was I thinking? Was my brain broken too?” It’s also cool and works with a ton of styles. Here are the ones we currently love: 1. Williamsburg Area Rug | 2. Staggered Stripe Rug | 3. Broken Stripe Rug | 4. Emily & Meritt Striped Rug | 5. Nurae Rug | 6. Kye Rug I don’t know which is my favorite because they are all great. #5 is obviously a home run because we featured it in the Atlanta project and loved it. Ok, #2 and #4 are pretty special too. Marble Base LampMarble is one of those materials that belongs in every room, no matter the style. It’s the style ninja, crushing (in a good way) any room it comes across. But where we tend to notice it is most commonly used is the lamp. Why Is This A Safe Bet?Marble-base lamps are low pressure because they are small but can easily become the star of a room. And if you think wood is never going to go out of style, then marble is its partner in crime. It’s a classic, natural material that adds great texture to a room. We are keen on the modern, clean-lined pieces in particular. If you go too decorative, you run the risk of “the shape” going out of style. Here are our picks: 1. Ionic Table Lamp | 2. Modern Marble Accent Table Lamp | 3. Kizu Table Lamp | 4. Mid Century Table Lamp | 5. Aitana Table Lamp | 6. Stacked Marble Table Lamp | 7. Sphere & Stem Table Lamp | 8. Domes Black Marble Table Lamp | 9. Gold and White Marble Accent Lamp | 10. Arum Table Lamp | 11. Rest Lamp | 12. Pillar Marble Table Lamp Emily loves and owns #8 because it’s stunning. Then we also love the contrasting colors of #4 and #6. But if you were twisting my arm then my vote is #10… if I had the $$$. A couple more rooms with this fav: Our Living Room, Dressed Up For The Holidays | Makeover Takeover: Jess’ Living Room There you have it. Five new, but highly regarded pieces that we are confident, if purchased, you will love forever. Time will only tell when we will be ready for our next batch of “Hall of Famers.” But for now, let’s chat about our five stars. Do you agree? Do you have any products that fall into these categories you want to share with the group? Do you think we missed any? Let’s talk about it in the comments. Love you, mean it. The post The New Classics: The Timeless Pieces That Will Always Be A Great Buy appeared first on Emily Henderson. Originally from Emily Henderson https://ift.tt/2vyOOnz Two People One Tiny Closet A Small Space Storage Agony with 5 Problems & 5 Clever Solutions1/28/2020 It is chaotic evil that two wardrobe/fashion-loving people have such alarmingly limited closet space. Of course, like most things in life it is not the end of the world nor is it a deal breaker, but it is difficult to manage. To top it off, I am a disorganized person by nature and am quite positive this won’t change over night (but if you have any tips or magic spells, let me know). But regardless of lack of natural ability, even the most disorganized among us love to bear witness to a closet with every article of clothing neatly sorted and tucked into its place. Closet organization is unbelievably satisfying and we all crave it. Unfortunately, my lack of organizational instinct goes hand in hand with my design agony. Here’s the scoop: My boyfriend Rocky and I moved into a new place last August and we were smitten. Now some 5 months later, we still love our tiny little home as much as we did when we first saw it, besides one design flaw: there is only a single (5’x3’x8′) closet in the entire place. To be fair, the place itself is small (800 sqft) so there really isn’t room for another closet, but boy are we feeling spatially challenged. I probably don’t have to tell you it causes unnecessary tension but most importantly it causes clutter and mess by an already cluttered and messy girl. Guys, the fun is just getting started. You may be wondering who the heck I am, and who this Rocky fella is and I hear ya. Let’s get properly aquatinted. Here’s us: Now, before we continue (and now that you can put faces to your design agony victims), it’s only right to give you a peek into our closet (did we just become best friends???). Feast your eyes on the “before” and please forgive me for not having a satisfying “after” to show you… yet: It’s your standard (STUFFED) single door closet, so there are things in there that we haven’t seen in months. Part of the problem should be alleviated once a larger dresser is purchased because hanging clothes up is unfathomable to me after a long day (again, disorganized person here), but I think we require a little more help than that. So now that you’ve seen the beast let me explain our biggest problems and pose some professional EHD approved solutions. Problem #1: Ineffective use of space – aka WASTED SPACEThere are no built-in shelves or hooks, and the top shelf is super high up so it’s hard to stack clothes up there without them falling. Plus, it’s incredibly hard to reach anything when clothes are exploding out. Aside from hanging our clothes (and the fact is we simply don’t have the space hang everything) this closet has no intuitive or easy storage options. The Solution: Invest in products that will maximize space.1. MALM 3-Drawer Dresser | 2. SKUBB Shoe Box | 3. Two Shelf Horizontal Cube | 4. 8 Bin Shoe Organizer | 5. Over the Door 26 Shelf Shoe Organizer | 6. 10-Compartment Hanging Shoe Organizer | 7. Drop Front Box | 8. 10 Pack Hooks | 9. 5 Tiered Pants Hanger We want to add in a small dresser like #1 to store socks, underwear, swimwear, and possibly other foldable clothes (like t-shirts). You may have noticed a lot of these are shoe storage options but I think they can be used for other purposes too. Like #2 can easily store clothes or shoes, and same with #4. We are not done. Not even close, my friends. Now I am going to invite you to my very unfinished home. Here goes nothing. By the way. showing thousands of people a photo of my unfinished bedroom feels like I am baring my nude self for the world to see. There is something so intimate about it so know that if you feel uncomfortable looking it at, I feel 10000x more uncomfortable thinking about you looking at it. But here we are! Now onto our next problem… Problem #2: Bulky clothes hogging all the spaceI’m talking to you, sweatshirts and sweaters. Have you noticed how men tend to own a lot of sweatshirts? It’s because they are lucky and can wear sweatshirts and look very cute in them all the time. The thing is, I too, have a fair amount of sweatshirts and sweats (a lot of them from sports I played in high school) and these things are BULKY and hard to store. And before you ask, yes we do donate clothes but we also know that donated clothes often end up in landfills. So we’ve decided to stop donating so much and instead sell them or gift them directly to people we know. We are also trying to simply buy less The Solution: Under bed storageWell guys, it’s been three years and I guess it is finally time to get a bed frame. I went back and forth on whether I wanted a storage bed or not but ultimately decided against it because of the layout of our place. It is already so boxy, so a boxy bedframe seems visually stifling. Instead, I am opting for a bed frame with enough space underneath to implement some storage solutions. The key for us is to have under bed storage that we can easily access, as I will be wanting to pull out a sweatshirt from time to time when I get chilly (and I am also a monster that wears hooded sweatshirts to sleep when it’s cold). Here is what I am thinking: 1. Peva Sweater Bags | 2. Underbed Fabric Bin | 3. Long Underbed Box with Wheels Simple enough right? I like the idea of #1 a lot because it is see-through so I would be able to see whatever is in there, but I am not confident I will love having to keep things perfectly folded. Sounds like a lot of work. #2 is something EHD has used before (remember this incredible satisfying org post??) and I am really into how it folds open at the top for easy access. Same goes for #3, so I think we have our winners, folks. Problem #3: Lost or misplaced clothing (overflow insanity)It’s a shame that the only time you can flaunt your favorite clothes is when they are on your body. OR IS IT? The Solution: Use a cute clothing rack or wardrobe for your pretty clothes.I personally love the idea of an open clothing rack so I can actually see my most beautiful clothes and shoes. I am an extremely visual person, so I imagine being able to see certain pieces will help me get ready in the morning. Here are the ones I am considering: 1. Red Oak Folding Garment Rack | 2. Freestanding Industrial Garment Rack | 3. Levy Clothing Rack | 4. Whit and Light Metal Garment Rack | 5. Cameron Clothing Rack | 6. Metal Clothing Rack Now it is living room time with a very special surprise guest… That’s our dog Gus and as you can see he is a good very good boy. One thing you should know before we move on (besides that Gus is a very good boy) is every piece of furniture we have will be replaced at some point. When we moved out of our last place we purged all the furniture we did not absolutely need and all we had left was either thrifted or free. The couch was gifted to us by the previous renter of our apartment, Rocky made our coffee table out of a wood pallet, our dining table is from Craigslist, our chairs were found at Goodwill, and both dressers we have were also free. I think the only thing we bought brand new are the nightstands (both from Target). This is coming off as a “humblebrag” but really I am overcompensating for the fact that I know my place is nowhere near “done”and thus giving you the freedom to hate its current state. No worries, we hate it too! Problem #4: Two people with different morning routines and only one tiny closet.You’ve probably guessed by now that we have a lot of clothes collectively. I won’t deny it. We are fashion-loving people who like to express our personal style, so we invest in clothes (clearly more than we invest in furniture which I am trying to change. Bear with me). The Solution: Utilize media cabinet or credenza for clothing in the living room.It is not lost on me that it may seem bizarre to want to store clothes in the living room but it actually works out perfectly for us. Rocky gets up way earlier than me, so having him getting dressed in the living room rather than in our bedroom is the ideal situation. It’s what he does now, only at the moment his clothes are draped over various pieces of furniture. It’s just lovely. 1. Harvey Probber Bar Cabinet | 2. Bookshelf Cabinet | 3. Mid-Century Modern Henredon Gentelmen’s Chest | 4. Cane Sideboard | 5. 1950’s Danish Sideboard Hutch | 6. Large Acorn Wood Storage Cabinet All these picks are aspirational and out of my budget, but I find it super helpful to search online so when I am at flea markets or scouring craigslist I have a sense of what I am looking for. I chose some vertical and horizontal options here because I am open to either but let’s be real, #4 has my heart. Problem #5: So many shoes, zero shoe storageDo you guys do that thing where you walk into your house and immediately kick off your shoes and in doing so create hazardous obstacles? I am sure I am not alone here and if you’ve learned anything so far, it’s probably that I am the type of person who needs EASY ways to tidy up so I don’t put myself or my loved ones in danger. The Solution: Get a small space friendly (and pretty) shoe rack or basket.I really love the idea of having a shoe basket for my everyday mules, boots, and sneakers. Right now those shoes are thrown in a cardboard box and I have been loving the ease of this system so much, but I think some of our shoes should be kept on shoe racks so they don’t get ruined. You get it.
And just like that, almost 2,000 words and one awkward invitation into my home later, I am a smidge closer to becoming an organized person. Ha. Now that it is over, look out for my Makeover Takeover likely coming to you around the year 2030. See you then Now, what do you think of our small closet storage solutions? Does it seem ridiculous to keep clothing in such odd places? Do you have any secret organization tips you are dying to pass on? Tell me everything. The post Two People, One Tiny Closet – A Small Space Storage Agony with 5 Problems & 5 Clever Solutions appeared first on Emily Henderson. Originally from Emily Henderson https://ift.tt/310SPN3 If I had to rattle off a few of my favorite styling “moves” they’d be this: The open book on the coffee table (sculptural, yet horizontal), a footed bowl of pistachios (obviously), or maybe the casual throw breaking the line of the sofa base… but most of those are for photoshoots and don’t apply to life. But recently I was combing through the years of work (per my obsession with self-reflection), and I realized one thing I’ve always done that I do really think is worth pointing out – Stylists (including myself) put art in unexpected/weird places. It’s so easy, and it edges up a space instantly because there is something very irreverent about breaking the rules with your art placement. I’ve done it all over the houses I’ve styled and designed. And today I’m gonna show you how. IN FRONT OF SHELVINGWhat I like about this, in particular, is the round shape breaking up the horizontal lines. It adds dimension, in a rebellious way. As I struggle with my own built-ins (which aren’t as cool, as they are so shallow) I recently threw up a painting on my shelving (for Christmas) and BOOM, I loved it. There is just a “please don’t tell me where I’m supposed to be. I’m cool hanging right here, thank you!” thing about it. IN THE BACK OF CABINETRY AND OPEN SHELVESIt can be little, and you can hang or lean, but what a nice secret surprise it is to open a cabinet and see a piece of art. This is best done in a glass cabinet so you don’t literally hide it, but you get it – a secret piece that just feels cool and unexpected. But there is more good news. There is another great place for “kitchen art” to be displayed and it’s not just behind a cabinet door. Nay, this art can also live on open shelving behind plates and bowls. Now while this may seem obvious, people just don’t typically consider art for the kitchen and I think it’s a missed opportunity. Please try it, because it’s awesome and fun. ON KITCHEN COUNTERTOPSIt’s true that I have too much art and not a lot of wall space. It’s also true that I have a lot of small art that is easy to pick up at the flea market, but hard to style on walls unless you are doing a big ‘ole gallery wall. So where do you put this art? In the kitchen and bathrooms of course HOT TIP: Buy oranges, then commission a painter to paint a still life portrait of your oranges (like above), and then display said portrait on a kitchen counter so they can feel celebrated. (Another styling hack? Buy generic oranges then go outside and cut leaves that look like citrus leaves and gently place them in the most MASSIVE dough bowl so they look like you just picked them from your backyard orchard. True story.) INSIDE BOOKSHELVESBookshelves are often very hard to fill out, while not looking crazy busy. Corbett (my dear friend) was STUMPED on her selves (see above… and below). So my team came in and helped her by adding in art so that it didn’t look empty, nor busy. It’s graphic and takes up a lot of vertical space so you don’t have to fill it with tall books or sculptures. Sally Breer (above), stylist and designer, put those large pieces in those large gaps and we all said YES, when we shot the first book (STYLED) there. But art in shelving isn’t too controversial… you know what is? Art that is almost on the ground. Art technically supposed to be at eye level, and these next pieces certainly are not. “TOO LOW”WHY NOT? That lady had to go somewhere and while I realize that it’s weird and breaks so many rules, that is a lot of what styling is about – less perfect design, more creative expression. You aren’t perfect, neither should your house be. The big art on the wall is expected, sure, but then we styled the little one by the sofa to shake it up. I don’t remember if I styled Sally’s art that way or if she did, but either way, you can see that the portrait is low to clear the light fixture, and there is another piece just sitting under the window. Which brings me to… THE “CASUAL LEAN”I used to only lean art. I was an “exclusive leaner” you could say, mostly out of commitment issues. It’s kinda a stylist thing – too much art, not decisive enough. But I like a mix leaning and hung art as you can see in the above and below. It obviously allows for flexibility as well as different heights and the ability to layer. IN FRONT OF A WINDOWIn Atlanta, we mixed both “the casual lean” and the “in front of a window” breaking TWO big art rules, but I personally think that it looks awesome. If your windows are big and you can sacrifice the light, then it’s absolutely ok to do (but keep it smaller and of course not super dark). My stylist friend, Scott, hung a sculpture in front of his french doors on the latch, simply because he felt like it (and yes, before everyone in the comments asks, that’s a vintage wood piece). Use those types of feelings because if you don’t like it, you won’t get arrested and even better – you can simply take it down. He also hung a pretty flag to block the sun in his office/desk area and it’s so much less expected than a window shade. The “art in front of the window” is bold, indeed. But it’s a move that allows your eye to move around more and gives another place for your art to be showcased – especially when it’s in front of a desk, or at a sink windowsill. When I proposed this post I was met with a “do you have enough examples to make this a post?” and look at that. I did. Sometimes when I’m met with resistance on something and then I end up being right I like to yell, “WELL, WHO WON DESIGNSTAR?” I’m OBVIOUSLY joking, my team is usually right. Plus, these moves wouldn’t have played out too well there, anyway… Thoughts? Anywhere else you like to hang your art to prove how eccentric you are? The post Stylist Hack: 7 Unexpected Places I Like To Hang Art (To Make Your House Look Unique) appeared first on Emily Henderson. Originally from Emily Henderson https://ift.tt/2O2VDE9 Happy Sunday folks. Welcome back to our weekly series where we chat about what’s on our brains and in our carts. We are talking home tours, products, music and so much more. Let’s get to it: Today’s home tour (via Cup of Jo) is, as the title suggests, a book lover’s actual dream. We’d love to spend days browsing those shelves, not to mention that gallery wall is a serious 10/10. Emily’s very good friend Jen Gotch’s incredible new book, The Upside of Being Down: How Mental Health Struggles Led to My Greatest Successes in Work and Life is available for preorder and we all CANNOT WAIT to read it. If you love super honest and funny writing that will likely help your mental health go preorder now! When you live with two roommates kitchen storage can be limited. Julie currently has one cupboard which she shoves all of her cookware into so needless to say, she is lacking motivation to regularly make dinner when she has to take almost everything out to find one pan. So, as a way to consolidate and get her to keep up with those New Year’s Resolutions (ie. cooking one new recipe every month) she has been eyeing the Always Pan from Our Place. And it’s beautiful too boot! From Mallory: “I love hoop earrings because you can pop ’em in your earlobe and then forget about them. These are awesome since they’re not too big.” If you’re looking for a bright and electric makeover, look no further than designer, Megan Hopp’s new living room. We love a bold wallpaper moment and her’s does not disappoint. Fun fact: Jess and Megan went to college together! Ryann has been in the market for a new bed frame for about three years now and can’t stop browsing Chairish’s vast bed frame selection. She found this bed the other day and can’t stop thinking about it, so SOMEONE please buy it (since it’s not exactly within her budget) because it deserves a loving home. In need of a GREAT playlist?? Jess’ tried and true is the TLC radio on Spotify or the TLC station on Pandora. The whole staff loves it too. It’s fun and singable but an easy listen if you also need to work:) From Veronica: “My mom gifted me this jumpsuit for Christmas and I basically live in it. It is so cozy and perfect for lounging or working. Plus, it’s 50% off right now!” From Sara: “THIS HAS CHANGED MY LIFE – and that is not hyperbole. I thought my dry, straw-like hair and incredibly itchy watery eyes (so bad some days that I can’t even wear mascara) were just symptoms of aging. Literally, I just thought my body was getting older and my smooth shiny hair was a thing of my youthful past. I used to be able to let my hair air dry and wear it out as is, but the past few months/last year the texture had changed so much that I was just keeping it back all time (and I thought that was my life moving forward). Then I stayed at a hotel, where after my shower my hair was it’s soft, smooth, air-dryable self. And I didn’t wake up with my eyes red, crusty, and itching. It took me a few weeks to put two and two together, but SOFT WATER, FRIENDS. Emily’s touted the benefits of soft water forever, but her amazing Culligan system isn’t financially affordable for everyone (aka me). Step in my new Aquabliss soft water shower head adapter. Within ONE shower with this bad boy attached my hair was super soft and wore eyeliner to work the next day. Until I can get a self-installed full home soft water system (about $500-$600), this guy is gonna be a lifesaver.”
And there you have it. That is all we have for you today, but be sure to come back tomorrow. See you then. xx The post The Link Up: The Book You Need to Preorder Now, The Jumpsuit Veronica is Living In, & Sara’s Life-Changing Shower Accessory appeared first on Emily Henderson. Originally from Emily Henderson https://ift.tt/37sCpiR In the name of “buying less” we are trying to figure out how to make fashion posts that are less “sell, sell, sell” and more ideas, trend spotting, or reviews. Does that mean we aren’t going to try on and shoot fashion posts with new clothes? Nope. We have a business to run, but we are very happy to promote companies that make dressing up and having fun with fashion more sustainable. So I finally tried Rent the Runway and partnered with them on this post. I thought RTR was mostly renting fancy dresses for cocktail or black-tie occasions. Ultimately a great way to wear a beautiful dress that is typically too expensive for the number of times you would wear it. And it’s still that, but they now have an unlimited monthly program that I tried out. I chose to rent 4 high-end pieces by some of my favorite designers and I get to try them for a month for $159 ($39 for anything additional) and it was SO MUCH FUN. You can rent them for the month or send back early and trade them out for different pieces. And with the unlimited plan, you can get multiple shipments per month. As in, you could wear something once and send it back to get a new piece if you’ve had your fill of it or it didn’t work out. Also to get you pre excited, RTR is giving all of you probably the most solid deal ever to try it out if you are curious. They are taking off $200 of your first two months of the unlimited plan by using code: RTREMILYH. Ya, I know, it’s good. So today I’m going to show you what I rented (all styled out) and list out the perks I realized by using this unlimited rental program. I was skeptical. Renting clothes seemed not for me, but it was FUN. 1. You get to rent classic pieces from your favorite brands that are high end, but low impact. Like in the home, I splurge far more on statement pieces than classics. These days many affordable brands can make a decent denim dress so it’s not where I would spend $600-$800 EVER, but sure I want this one because it is special. I’ve loved the brand Marni forever, and this dress is awesome and classic, but simply put, not worth the retail amount to me. But to be able to rent it for a month will scratch that itch, and make me feel good being in such a tailored high-quality denim dress. Then I’ll try something else next month. But back to this great dress. The stitching, pockets, zipper, and two-tone denim make it pretty darn special and as you can see it has tiny arms and a really great tailored shift bodice. While this dress is timeless, I don’t have an office job (not really) so the added “personality” is great for a shoot or a special meeting. Plus it’s really nice not to have had to spend a lot of money on it. 2. You get to indulge in a current favorite designer/s. You know that I love Ulla Johnson, but I’m on a Ulla diet right now. Not a strike. Not a fast. Just abstaining for a while and shifting resources to more important things (kid’s college fund, vacations with Brian, should I get braces?). By renting I also got to try some of her other pieces that were a bit riskier (like these pants) which aren’t in stores near me. They were NOT GOOD on me, but that dress sure is pretty and kinda like the winter version (because it’s full length:)) of my favorite more summer-y dresses. Speaking of Summer… 3. You can try riskier trends… go outside your comfort zone a bit because there is a HUGE variety in the inventory. I love Mara Hoffman otherwise I wouldn’t have risked renting these high waisted floral pants but we all LOVED THEM. I almost wore that outfit to the Goop Lab premiere party but feared it was drawing a bit too much attention. I may have to re-rent these in summer because goodness, these are happy pants. Also because of what I do, I do need more “photoshoot” clothes which I’m extremely picky about – no small busy patterns (but yes to patterns), no head to toe simple black or super dark outfits (doesn’t pop on camera and often sucks the light and washes me out), and has to be flattering without being tight. I’m not a model, I struggle to find clothes that I feel look good on camera – thus forgiving patterns and fun proportions are where I spend my fashion budget. Point is – it’s nice to have something new for an occasion or shoot, but not commit to it financially for the rest of my life. 4. You can save on seasonal items that you don’t need year-round. I really wanted to try this sweater from Alexa Chung but I can never justify expensive sweaters living in LA (thus justifying more fun dresses that I can wear year-round). So I rented this sweater, hoping that by wearing it I would be transformed into her, perfect messy brunette curly hair and all (she started a hair revolution, that chic lady). I love it. My stylist friend Suzanne doesn’t (see stories). We broke up and she moved out from next door, but I have a fun sweater to wear for a month while I mourn the friendship. The wool of the sweater catches my tears, so very little cleanup! 5. You can get that serotonin rush from shopping without guilt. I love the Amo jeans I bought last year, very much. So when I saw this silhouette (notice the top of the waist and NO RIPS) I wanted to try it despite my general hesitation of high waisted pants on me. The only downside to these jeans is that Brian’s dad can no longer make his monthly joke about “when I am going to get a job that pays enough to buy jeans without holes.” He’ll have to come up with new material, likely something about puffy sleeves. I’ve already worn these jeans 3 times and they are no longer in stores, so I couldn’t have tried them on to know how great they are. 6. Lastly and most importantly – You are being more sustainable. I understand that the most sustainable thing to do would be to wear the same 10 things for the rest of our lives or only shop at thrift stores or vintage. But honestly, that is a hard reality for a lot of us mostly because of time and availability. Fashion is one of the ways I express my creativity, and it has become a fun hobby this year. So this unlimited program made it really easy to shake up what I was wearing, without paying retail pricing. Then after I’ve worn it a few times it simply gets mailed back, returned to the inventory for others to rent instead of in the back of my closet for a year (or worse), and then later potentially end up in a landfill. So yes, my first rental experience was FANTASTIC. A few extra tips:
All in all I thought that the inventory had so much variety, with a lot of my favorite designers. It came quickly in a really nice black bag (all on hangers) and yes, they cover insurance, shipping, and dry cleaning. Again if you guys are interested and want to try it out you can get $200 off your first two months of the unlimited plan by using code: RTREMILYH. It’s honestly their best offer ever so this would be the time to give it a go. Thanks to Rent the Runway!
*Photography by Veronica Crawford **This post is in partnership with Rent the Runway but all words, designs, and selections are our own. Thanks for supporting the brands we love that support the blog. The post My First Foray Into Renting Clothes, With Rent The Runway And Here’s How I Felt About It appeared first on Emily Henderson. Originally from Emily Henderson https://ift.tt/37oHVmU I get this question A LOT, mostly from friends and family who can’t afford (or don’t want to) hire a designer and contractor and feel like they want to tackle some remodeling projects themselves. Well, I found this in a book called STYLED (you should get it if you don’t have it) and I had totally forgotten about this section. The thing is five years later, with a lot more experience, I had so much to add (or negate) about what I originally said about whether you should hire or could DIY. So below you’ll find the original advice and my current 2020 commentary, with some helpful links to articles if you are doing said project. Ahem. Here’s what she said… “In the process of styling your home, you’re probably going to get inspired to tackle a heavy decorating or renovating project. There are some things anyone can do and some things I wouldn’t recommend unless you have plenty of time and are willing to fail a lot before you succeed. Here is a quick guide:” DIY AWAYReplacing Dimmers or Upgrading a Light SwitchThen: Definitely something you can do yourself, it’s just a Google search away. Now: Brian just put in dimmers and replaced out kitchen outlets to add USB things. He’s truly never been more proud of himself for not having to hire a handyman. If he can do it, so can you. PaintingThen: Do this yourself if you want to spend the time. If it’s just flat prepped walls without a lot of molding or ceiling, then no special skills are needed and any mess-ups are easy to fix. Keep in mind that one room normally takes one day. Now: I actually LOVE a painting party and think that we should revive them, but for clients we obviously pay a professional. Speaking of painting, here are some of our favorite paint posts: Our Favorite Whites & Gray Paints, Our Go-To Neutral Paint Colors, Our Favorite Non-Neutral Paint Colors, Our Favorite Pastel Paint Colors For Grown-Ups, 12 Bold Blue & Green Paint Colors We’ve Tested, Design Mistake: Paint A Small, Dark Room White Laying FlooringThen: With a few folks to help, you can do this yourself, but the cuts are the trickiest part. If you have a more straight, square room, you have a better chance. As long as you are comfortable with a table saw and are good with measuring then go ahead. Installer charge anywhere from $1.50 to $3 per square foot, depending on experience and how licensed they are. Now: OK, last weekend we attempted to lay flooring ourselves for a volunteer project and after 3 hours we had only accomplished one row, literally 12 feet of flooring. We chose the “click” vinyl wood flooring for how “easy” it is, but if your wall isn’t perfectly straight (which most aren’t) then it’s going to be exactly the opposite of easy. We gave up, returned it (thank you Linoleum City for being so kind to take it back) and are opting for either wall to wall carpet or carpet tiles. That being said… Sara and her boyfriend, brother, and dad all laid the flooring for their house on their own. But her dad had laid flooring before (for his own house) and it still took about three days of nothing but flooring install, a few problem-solving breaks, and was very tedious. So yes, you can DIY but it will take a long time if you haven’t done it before and might be very frustrating. We hired someone to lay down wood herringbone floors in our LA house and it took way more time than that (and therefore money), but I wrote a whole post about it if you are thinking about doing it yourself. Staining or Painting FurnitureThen: Do it yourself, unless it’s a serious antique or mid-century gem. Refinishing furniture is just so satisfying; once you try it a few time you’ll master it quickly. Now: I still totally agree with this. We recently updated this chair and had so much fun. Painting TileThen: You can do it. This is especially successful if you just want a quick update. Don’t buy tile with the intent to paint it; painting is a good “we like the shape just not the color” solution. Now: Yes, you can paint but definitely do some research (this post just came out and seems thorough, and a few of our readers pulled it off here), and know that walls will hold up better than flooring that scuffs. DEFINITELY HIREWallpaperingThen: It’s not worth the risk and headache, so hire this out. I know people who have done this themselves and they have harrowing stories to tell for the first few times. It’s hard to succeed – there are patterns that need to be matched, seams that need to be cleaned and if you mess it up, it’s really difficult to repair. You might actually lose money on the paper itself. Pricing varies on the experience of the installer but I think you can budget $600 to $1000 a room, and one to two rooms a day depending on how fast he or she is. Now: I agree, except we’ve done a decent amount of temporary wallpaper installation ourselves, and it’s totally doable. (Check out our romantic glam bedroom, a boho 70s inspired bedroom, this home office makeover, and this sweet nursery for examples of how we’ve used temporary wallpaper. But it will take time (at least a full day with two people). If you are looking for wallpaper we have one of the best online here out there, by the way. Lacquering FurnitureThen: Now, this is a different beast from painting furniture. For lacquering, the piece has to be sprayed, it needs to be guarded from all dust (like in a tented room or booth), and it requires really long drying times. Hiring this out is expensive (a small side table costs around $100; budget $300-$400 for larger pieces), so make sure you really want that high-end lacquer look. Now: 100% Still agree, check out why here. HIRE OR DIY – IT’S A TOSS UPSkim Coating Your Walls (or Getting Rid of a Texture)Then: You can do this yourself but it’s very laborious and messy and you need many special tools. The process involves a combination of plaster the walls and sanding them over and over again. But I know people who have done it themselves for the first time and it worked well. Hiring someone is expensive (because it’s so time-consuming); you can figure a room might cost around $1000. Now: Please read this post about how we could have saved so much money in Portland by not obsessing with getting flat walls. At the mountain house we painted over the drywall with a spray, then went over it with a hand trowel to give it some texture which saved so much money on making sure that the walls were PERFECT. And it’s so pretty, so please do that. Painting CabinetsThen: This is not difficult, but it is a commitment. There are a few ways you can hire someone to do this. You can get a painter to spray it (not quite as durable but looks good, take only two days, and is a cheaper solution), or have someone properly lacquer, which can take four to five days with drying time (estimate between $1,800 to $3,000 for a kitchen). But if you set aside a few weekends, you can do it yourself. Watch tutorials to make sure that you use the right paint. Remember that you often have to paint the inside too, replace hardware (including hinges), and redrill new hardware, and normally that quote above covers those annoyances, too. Now: I just want to reiterate how important it is to use high-end lacquer paint for cabinetry and have a professional do it, unless you are very experienced. Our paint is chipping so bad at our LA house and it’s only been 3 years. I have no idea why but yes, I’m frustrated because I thought we hired someone really high-end. Replacing Light FixturesThen: This depends. If it’s just swapping in a new fixture in a new-ish house, that is often pretty easy. Watch some tutorials online. At the same time, there have been so many times my electrician has told me that what he thought would be simple turned into something complicated because older houses sometimes have super-weird wiring. You can often find someone on TaskRabbit or Craigslist who can do this for $50 a fixture (for a simple flush mount). A properly licensed electrician can get expensive, but you’ll know it will get done right. Now: I’d like to recommend the trade of electrician as a career for anyone that wants to make a lot of money, have very little overhead, work for themselves and not bring any stress home at night. I’m telling you, based on what we paid for the Portland project and the Mountain house, at $150 an hour (or more) and typically booked on one project for 8 hours a day, this can be seriously lucrative and has a great work/life balance. The electrician we hired in Portland owned 3 income properties and had bought his first one at 28. Also plumbers, though maybe not as glamorous. Or you can just hire Jess, the official EHD in-house electrician, who has installed light fixtures for just about everyone on the team at some point (usually 1am the night before a MOTO photoshoot). Hanging ArtThen: You can do this yourself, but if you have the resources (aka the dough), then having a handyman or art hanger install everything is a real treat because the heavier and more important the art, the more you want to make sure that it doesn’t come crashing down. Now: For all you DIY-ers check out one of our many posts how on how to hang art: Affordable Large Scale Art, Design Mistakes: Generic Art, The 7 Things You Need To Know Before You Try To Hang A Gallery Wall, Think Outside The Frame: Wall Hangings Are The Cure For Your Boring Walls and 15 Ideas For Hanging Art Upholstering FurnitureThen: You can do dining chairs, benches, and stool types by yourself, but when it comes to anything more major, I’d say hire this out unless you know how to do it and like to take risks. Just like wallpaper, if you do it wrong, then you’ll have wasted too much money on the material. Now: I wrote a big post about it in 2012 (woah), but more recently I wrote this post about our vintage sectional that was reupholstered. Hanging CurtainsThen: You can do it yourself, absolutely, but I often don’t because it’s just so strangely hard to get them perfect. Hanging curtains so that they just “kiss” the floor isn’t rocket science, but it is time-consuming and easy to mess up. You need to attach the curtains to the rod and lift it, mark it, and then take it down, take off the curtains, hang the rods, rehang the curtains, blah, blah, blah. Now: If you want to know our #1 post of ALL TIME, it’s “Hanging Curtains All Wrong” with a how to do it right solutions. TilingThen: You can do it, but I don’t, probably because I have little patience for small measurements. Tiling is tricky unless you have a really simple pattern with tile that doesn’t need to be cut. Now: I really want to tile myself, and someday I will. But for now we wrote a recent “Tile 101” post and “Tile Rules – 4 things you should know before picking tile.” Adding BaseboardThen: If you are comfortable with a table saw, love to measure, and have two weeks to spare, then by all means DIY. My husband, Brian, and his friend have been replacing ours for some time now. It doesn’t take a high level of skill necessarily, but is time-consuming and can be frustrating if the cuts aren’t perfect. Now: I could never do this due to the importance of “details” and “measurements” but good news, it IS doable. Sara’s brother installed all the baseboards in her house having never done it before. It took a while, along with some plaster to fill in some un-perfect gaps, but it got done. That concludes our trip down memory lane. I think in general I still feel pretty good about most of the recommendations I made in the book. What’s so great about this site vs. the book is that you all can actually comment and respond to all of these ideas. Please, if you have any personal experiences that can help us all in the “DIY vs. Hire” world then we’d love to read them in the comments. The post DESIGN MISTAKE: When to Hire vs. DIY (With Lots of Commentary From Me Based on New Experiences/Mistakes/Horrors) appeared first on Emily Henderson. Originally from Emily Henderson https://ift.tt/2tIwKXv Today, folks, you will learn the RIGHT way to make your bed. At this point in my styling career, I can say that I am a bed-making (styling) expert, just like my parents dreamt for me as a child. I did it, mom and dad!! But like anything, when you’ve done something for years and when you’ve made HUNDREDS of beds, you forget that it’s not that simple for everyone. There are a million ways to make a bed, but not all of them look good, so we have some formulas that are fool-proof, GUARANTEED to work and give you that inviting bed of your dreams. Plus there are likely a few mistakes and misconceptions that you should know to avoid. First, the most challenging element of the bed – THE PILLOWS. Formula #1: 4 Sleeping Pillows + 1 Extra Long Lumber =This is a formula that WORKS and is actually so simple and minimal, while making the bed look pulled together. Four back pillows and one long lumbar and you can be DONE. Yes. I believe in 4 ‘sleeping’ pillows (as shown through all of these examples). Sure you only put your head on one while you sleep, but you need both for the ‘sitting up’ portion of the evening (reading or watching TV…..ooooohhhhh). Consider each layer a ‘set’ and yes, the sets can be different (but keep both pillows within the set or pair the same). You might want a more firm pillow behind your squishier ‘sleeping’ pillow for the leaning. Plus four pillows simply look way more inviting and balance the length and width of the bed better. By the way, if you are DYING to know my favorite insert for sleeping it’s this one. Ironically the softer the pillow the harder it is to style for photos so I have an inventory of ‘prop’ pillows that are fluffier and firmer. But I like a squishy (yet not flat) pillow. Sara has a memory foam pillow and I almost fired her upon announcement. Monstrous. VERY IMPORTANT: If you have a king bed, you HAVE to have king pillows. A standard size will look just way too small. Like I said your two sets of pillows can be different – we like to have two different colors or patterns. Sometimes it’s subtle and sometimes higher contrast (to pull in say, the throw blanket at the end). HOT TIP: You don’t need euro shams. They are the square pillows that often went in front of your sleeping pillows in lieu of two more sleeping pillows. We still use them now and again, but you don’t NEED them and they can make a bed look fussier, more ‘decorated’. I wouldn’t say they are ‘out’ but just not as in as they used to be. Also before we leave this formula here are six of our favorites: 1. Oversized Oblong Pillow Navy | 2. Cream Lumbar Throw Pillow | 3. Woven Waffle Pillow | 4. Striped Double Weave Lumbar Throw Pillow | 5. Temara Block | 6. Off The Grid Extra Long Lumbar Pillow FORMULA #2: 4 Sleeping Pillows + 1 Lumber + 1 Decorative Pillow =We are building from minimal to more decorative now. I realize that this doesn’t seem THAT different, but sometimes you want to style it to have one more color, pattern or layer. If that’s what you are into, keep that lumbar and add a square, circle or smaller rectangle pillow (I actually have TWO long lumbars on the mountain master bed now that I haven’t shot, but I love it – I have a larger linen one with the smaller leather one in front of it). GOOD HACK: Brady’s bedroom (above) has a large king sham playing the role of the ‘lumbar’ which totally works, then he put an additional rectangular lumbar in front (I don’t think I can ever say lumbar again, it’s such a terrible word). As you can see the double lumbar still in action (although the one in front is obviously just a rectangular pillow). For those of you who love geometry, you can indeed mix a round/circle pillow with a narrow lumbar like we did in that bedroom. FORMULA #3: 4 Sleeping Pillows + 2 (or 3) Different Shapes/Sized Accent PillowsIf you like yourself a throw pillow (or maybe you have these already around and don’t want to buy a lumbar) then this formula is for you. We love using 2 or 3 different sized (and shaped) pillows in front of your base four. It’s important to have one that is around 24″ to really ground the mini collection – especially on a king (a queen/full could handle 20″). A good formula we use is one large, one medium and one small. Hand me the Pulitzer prize NOW. Also yes they can all be different colors, patterns, and textures. Certainly, pull in the colors of the headboard and your blankets/throws at the end. You don’t want a really saturated or strong color as a quilt and then nothing to balance it out at the top of the bed. Again, pull from those colors. We wrote a whole post about mixing pillows HERE and rounded up many combos that we love. You can definitely just do 2 like we did up here (please check out that blanket styling action – boyfriend (aka Scott) LOVES some blankets). HOT TIP: We love a round pillow. It really breaks up all the squares and rectangles that are innate in a bed. Also looking back at that bed (above), it could have used a quilt at the end and it does defy the formulas below you are about to see, but it’s ok and we didn’t get arrested for our lack of layering. But if we could go back in time I’d add a quilt or blanket to break up the line of the bed frame and give it more of an inviting and relaxed look. Here are some of our favorites: 1. Anchal Crescent Pillow | 2. Fringe Round Throw Pillow | 3. Round Lush Velvet Pillow | 4. Velvet Ruffle Round Throw Pillow | 5. Velvet + Wool Circle Pillow | 6. Winnie Eyelash Round Throw Pillow I gasped when I saw that above photo thinking that the first throw pillow was too small, but then I realized it was a lumbar – THANK GOD. See? Proof. PHEW. Here is a handy graphic to help you remember our pillow formulas: Now on to your bedding – the quilts, throws and comforter portion of the bed that can be equally paralyzing to style. The Bedding Formulas:HOT TIP: You don’t need a flat sheet if you have a washable duvet cover. It’s only required if you have a less washable comforter or quilt. FORMULA #4: 1 “Fluffy Component” + 1 “Flat Component” =I know there are more ways to style the bedding but we like the simplicity of choosing one that is more “fluffy” for lack of more scientific term – either a duvet with an insert or a comforter (typically less washable, but just as fluffy). You can also definitely have two “fluffy” components or two “flat components”, but we like at least two “blanket components” in total. I hope you are taking notes …. there will be a test. HOT TIP: When styling a bed to look the most inviting, it’s crucial to fold the comforter/duvet (and potential flat sheet) back far enough that it clears the 4 back pillows. This adds depth and texture, plus if your fitted sheet is a pattern or color then it pops out more which is more fun. It’s like the cuff of a sleeve underneath your sweater – it’s just a little pop of something else that makes it look interesting. You want your bed to say, “come on in” and folding it back a bit does that. It does NOT have to clear your decorative/accent pillows, in fact, it is better if it’s layered on top, thus bridging those two surfaces. EXCEPTION: Emily of the Sweet Beast only used TWO back pillows and laid them flat to show off her low but beautiful headboard. This is absolutely acceptable – the bed looks slightly less full but seeing the pretty spindles of the bed adds additional texture and style (plus it lets more natural light through). If you want to go one step further, like the graphic above here you go … 1 “Fluffy Component” + 1 “Flat Component” + 1 Extra Throw =If you are a true layering addict, then this is for you – add an ADDITIONAL blanket mostly to add more color/style/pattern/texture and sculptural shape. We like to have the bottom layer be more structured, typical fold, then the top one to have more of an organic shape. PET PEEVE: Please, guys, BOTH blankets should be long enough to at least fall over both sides of the bed – not to the floor, but to look properly scaled to the bed, they shouldn’t just sit on top (although we’ve done it when we’ve had to and no one got arrested or fired). The blankets should be different in order to add contrast in color or texture. Like above, the bottom blanket is more structured and folded conservatively, while the top one has more movement and fringe. If we had just used the navy blue blanket it would have been too strong of a color moment to balance out the top of the bed. It would have overwhelmed the bed, visually, so the white breaks it up and calms it down a bit. Here are some great “large enough” bed blanket options: 1. Winter + Summer Cotton Coverlet | 2. Yarn Dye Stripe Ringspun Cotton Bed Blanket | 3. Candlewick End of Bed Blanket | 4. Sweater Knit Bed Blanket | 5. Handwoven Dorado Blanket | 6. Belgian Flax Linen Blanket But if you have a throw blanket from your living room and are desperate – this is acceptable … You may throw a blanket casually to create a sculptural shape and add interest. It’s a little ‘stylist-y’ and ideally, it would be bigger. But it’s better than folding it straight and having it look way too small, like a mistake. This just looks kinda pretty and effortless. I had no idea how much I had to say about making a bed, and frankly, I could say more. There are no actual rules and we’ve gone outside these formulas many many times, but I also think having a couple guaranteed ways to help guide the styling is so helpful, even to US. Looking back through my years of styling I can see that my favorite beds fell into those formulas and the ones where I went outside just weren’t as successful. In case you want to pin this, or maybe you respond to graphics – we pulled together our formulas in one place. Now please, please go and make your bed and tag us on social so we can see and reshare. Use #showemyourstyled and show us those beds. The post The Right Way To Make Your Bed – Our 5 Best Formulas appeared first on Emily Henderson. Originally from Emily Henderson https://ift.tt/36gZDYb We here at EHD like to consider ourselves design risk-takers with a decent amount of design common sense (aka design ideas you might actually want in your own home). Especially when it comes to color. But to be fair, who doesn’t love to ogle over or dream about a bold colored living room? However, unless you are the type of person that is actually willing to take the risk and paint your living room say, cobalt blue, then the reality of “color trends” tends to be moot. Now, how we like to look at color trends is by thinking of them more as “accent” color trends. Let’s be honest, the colors we paint our walls generally stay pretty much within the same color palettes every year. Yes, there was a time period when gray was king, dark blue became a popular bold option and last year the cool beige movement was in full force. But most of us are unwilling to take that scary leap into colorful walls. So what better way to bring in the hot colors of the year than by dabbling with a vase, accent chair or fireplace surround (ok, that’s still scary but at least less surface area)? It’s fun, easy, typically more affordable and way less labor-intensive if you end up changing your mind. But then again maybe some of these will make you want to take a leap… So without further ado, let me introduce the colors of 2020. It’s going to be a colorful year and we can’t freaking wait. 1. Cool MintThis color has been popping up ALL OVER and I am personally on board. It feels fresh and happy but still (no pun intended)…cool. This is actually one of the only colors that I think the “colored wall averse” types could get on board with. It’s both visually soft and packs enough punch which makes it a great accent color. I think the trick here is to make sure it’s paired with bold, modern shapes and/or colors. A great example is this seat cushion. It’s a perfect, softer (but still fun) accent to the other more bold details of the space. If you don’t do this type of pairing, you run the risk of your home feeling like a dated seaside retirement home. Not that that’s bad but likely you will want to wait to dive into the “retirement chic” look until you need to. See? I told you it works as a wall paint color. In this kitchen by Tsai Design, the contrast of very cool-toned green with the warmth of the natural wood and modern leather handles perfectly balance with each other. The color is quiet but still brings a lot more personality than a white wall would have. But as you can see just popping in a few pieces makes a huge impact. It’s neutral enough but the color sprinkled in adds a surprising and fresh feel. 2. Ruby RedRemember when Emily asked herself if she could handle a bright red accent in her living room? Well, that was for good reason because reds are back people. But we are predicting that while we plan to see bright red too, it’s the dark ruby red that will be the star this year. Look at how lush and downright delicious it is?! Ruby red is the kind of color that says you are confident and passionate about your design choices because this is about as bold as it gets. Since this color is so visually powerful we think that including it into your space in smaller doses, like a planter or tile accent, is the way to go if you love it but want to leave your walls more on the neutral side. This color has us very excited about what 2020 has in store for our eyeballs. 3. Cobalt BlueIf you are looking for a jolt of energy into your space and like the color blue then ladies and gentlemen, cobalt blue is for you. This color started to come on the scene with the explosion of the postmodern trend. It was squiggles, tubular furniture, and cobalt blue. So while 2019 was its modern-day birth year, 2020 is going to be its big year. This is definitely one of those colors that we recommend in small but impactful accents for most people. We, of course, would never want to discourage someone with a strong cobalt blue design vision but guys it’s a BIG color to have a lot of in one space. See how great it is with just that built-in bench designed by Sophie Lou Jabsobsen? You might be wondering what the difference between cobalt and the 2020 Pantone color of the year, Classic Blue is…The answer is electricity. I know that may sound like nonsense but cobalt is the brighter, cooler and more electric version of its classic counterpart. As shown in all of these photos, it’s a great color for any room or style that needs that touch of unexpected. It has magical powers to instantly make any room cooler. 4. ChartreuseYes, the color of the liqueur of Parisian monks is also one of our 2020 colors. It’s as if lime green and neon yellow had a baby in France. Beautiful but only palatable when sparingly used. Ok, I think that’s enough with the alcohol comparisons. Chartreuse has been very hip on the fashion side of things. And as Emily has always said, expect what’s on the runway to creep into interiors. But honestly, I like it. It’s unexpected and with the right amount can easily spice up a traditional styled room or bring some electricity to a modern space. See that little chartreuse knot up on that shelf? It’s fun and youthful and makes me want to know who the heck these cool people are. Chartreuse is on the loose:) 5. Emerald GreenNow for our last and final color trend prediction… Emerald green. It’s pretty hard no to love this color. It’s rich, happy and makes us think of emeralds which are undeniably beautiful. But much like the other saturated colors on this list, it is design gold because of the life it breathes into a space. What is so wonderful about emerald green is that it brings a ton of richness to a room without overpowering it. It has more of a “hey, just happy to be here,” vibe instead of a “HEY, LOOK AT HOW BOLD I AM,” which ruby red does a better job of as shown perfectly in this photo and room designed by Tahma Smith. So because of it’s more “calming” effects, we think you can go a little bigger on the accent you choose but maybe still be careful if you decide to go all-in on a wall color. That’s it for our color trend predictions…for now. We are sure to see more surprises as the year progresses and don’t worry, we will definitely be reporting on those too. But all we have to say now is have fun with color. Life is too short for it not to be at least a little colorful. And if you are stuck when it comes to wall paint colors we’ve got you with this list of our favorite neutrals and this list of our favorite non-neutrals. So what do you think? Are you jumping for joy that some jewel tones are here? Are you scared of color and wish this list never grazed past your eyes? Do you have any favorites? Let’s talk about it. Love you, mean it. The post The 5 “Accent” Color Trends We Are Extremely Excited About in 2020 appeared first on Emily Henderson. Originally from Emily Henderson https://ift.tt/37eYd1w
“Whatever affects one directly, affects all indirectly.” No matter where we are, where we come from, what we look like, who we love, or what faith we practice, we can ALL lend our voices to support one another and make a positive difference in the lives of those around us. There has been so much progress made in the years between MLK’s life and now, and yet there is still so much more progress to be made. Whatever you’re doing today, I hope it’s filled with love. After all, “I have decided to stick with Love. Hate is too great a burden to bear.” We read the kids this book often. I’ve written about it before, but trying to explain the whys of racism (as well as slavery and assassination) to my kids as a white mom is confronting and challenging (yes, I realize that even using the word ‘challenging’ in the subject matter is problematic). I don’t want to tell them all the horrors of the world yet, but I also want to arm them with information, empathy, and help them form a confident perspective when it comes up at school, because it will. I want them to be the first ones to shut down any negative comments in that arena if and when they do come up. How do you explain such past ignorance??? When we read that book they look at me with their 4 and 6-year-old innocent confusion, like “why would they (we)?” and I’m supposed to be the all-knowing mom. I say something about fear and ignorance, but internally I’m just like “I. Don’t. Know”. So Dear Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., my kids and I read your words. You were a modern-day prophet, and while you made human mistakes, you changed the world dramatically for the better with your words and activism. They played this at my church and there wasn’t a dry eye. His words are indeed powerful. Thank you, Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Today (and every day) my kids and I (and the EHD office) will indeed remember you. xx The post Today, We Remember Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. appeared first on Emily Henderson. Originally from Emily Henderson https://ift.tt/2ug5q2R |
Author Kimberly ReedDesign Consultant at Furnishing Knowledge:KI Archives
April 2023
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